The Wonderful Life of Mr. WannaB

La Douleur Exquise

Returning to my “love-life novel” (see “The Love Game” and “Foolin’ Around – - The Dating Game”), I continue where I left it – My Karma!

So, what is Karma???
In the dictionary says:

Karma:

1. Hinduism & Buddhism. The total effect of a person’s actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person’s existence, regarded as determining the person’s destiny.
2. Fate; destiny.
3. Informal. A distinctive aura, atmosphere, or feeling: There’s bad karma around the house today.

To me my karma was my very own “Mr. Big”…
He came into my life in a hot summer evening, back in 2003. He seduced my mind, my body and my soul. He was a shark that aimed for my heart and pierced it with itÂ’s sharp teeth.
Everything was amazing about him. He was “good on paper”, had the looks and this incredible sensuality and appeal that left me off-guard from the very first look.
The “complicated” part was everything else about him… going through a divorce (with a 1 year old kid in the middle), having already a boyfriend in another country (…), being wealthy and young (35)… oh my God… What have I gotten into!

Fast-forward 3 months - The endÂ… or was it?
I went through some tough moments after we ended. I guess I loved him more that I wanted to (unfortunately we don’t choose those things!)

A couple of months later he came back into my life.
I asked him to decide between me and other things in his life. Guess what he chose?

Finally, after about a year after I met him, I was ready to move onÂ… and then again was I? Am I?

Shit… LifeÂ’s a bitch!

Foolin’ Around (The Dating Game)

I started foolin’ around… Then I started screwin’ around, which is foolin’ around without dinner.

Oh yes… The Dating Game…
I was an expert at that sometime ago!

After my short relationship (see ““The Love Game”), I was a bit disappointed with Love… and after a little while I started foolin’ around - Never-ending internet chats, followed by coffee or dinner, fucking and goodbye! I actually was very good at this!
Along the way I met some interesting people, who also touched my life in some way, and a few are still great friends!

Then, one night in August 2003, I met my karma - a cosmic retribution of all the “soul-lessâ€? relationships and encounters I had…

Check back soon for the next episode of this award-winning novel!!!

Peace

The Love Game

People go to casinos for the same reason they go on blind dates - hoping to hit the jackpot. But mostly, you just wind up broke or alone in a bar.

Life has been quiet these days (and i’ve been too lazy to post something here!!).

Today I came across this SATC quote and that got me thinking about Love games…
You’ve certainly realized that the whole dating thing is nothing more than a game. And some people actually play it really well – The true players!

I got fed up with that sometime ago…
Let me tell you a little bit more about my life…

In 2002 I fell in Love. Back then I really wanted a stable relationship. I was 20… Young and didn’t knew much about Love or Life.
The guy I fell in Love with was the most beautiful thing that I’d ever came across. I found him on the internet… we chat for a couple of days and then exchanged phone numbers. I called him one night and told him I HAD to meet him… it was no longer bearable for me to keep that thing on the virtual level.
We met one night, after I insisted thoroughly for that. I drove to his place and parked. He came down and approached my car… We held our breaths for a moment (which seemed forever) and we both fell in love on the spot. I can’t explain it… it was one of the most beautiful feelings I had in my life! – I’ll remember this forever…
Without going through details, it ended after only a couple of weeks… I guess we weren’t ready for each other… or we were never supposed to become lovers, but only friends (now days he is one of my best friends… Luv u baby!).
Although some people might think otherwise, this ending was a real disappointment for me. But it was probably the most intense life-lesson I had so far. It thought me so many things about love. That was the base-stone for my next relationships…

But that is for another post…

Peace.

Through With Love

Today I realized that I’m doing a choreography for a music that says everything about my past relationship… EVERYTHING!
I love this music… It’s extremely toutching, specially for me (as I relate so much to it…).

I’ll never forgive him (my ex) for what he did to me.
He took away most of my innocence about life… made me give up so many things and so many important people in my life…
I guess the lyric says it all…

Here it is:

Through With Love - Destiny’s Child

I gave my heart to you
I gave up my friends like you said I should do
Put aside my smile for you
I’d grow out my dreams if you said you didn’t approve
I gave my mind
Compromised my life
Just to see I’d find
You were trying to hold me back
Slowly throwing me off of my track
Disappointed again

[Chorus]
I’m through with it (love)
I’m through with it, through with it (love)
(…)
I’m finally giving it up
I’ve given so much in the past (past)
For a love I never had (had)
I’m through with it, I’m
I’m through with it, (love)
I’m through with it, through with it (love)
I’m finally giving it up

Oh, there you go comparing me
To every little model on the TV screen
Oh, there you go
complaining to me
Cos I wanna spend time with my family
My esteem has gone down
You never wanna take me out
You make me feel young and alone
I don’t know where to go
I’m through with it

[Chorus]

I shared all my secrets with you
Even when it hurt to tell the truth
I paralyzed my growth for you
I gave you control
Felt so helpless when but you
Couldn’t be a friend (a friend)
To anyone happy (happy)
Cos with you (I see)
Misery loves company
Don’t know if this love
Cos if this is love I don’t want it anymore

[Chorus]

Wonder why I feel so empty
I’m crying out for some stability
Destroy my many insecurities
I’m breaking down, somebody pray for me
Need a love like no other not an ordinary love
Restore my joy, bring stamina, courage
Lord I need your love

I’ve found a new, found a new love
(I don’t have to hurt no more)
I found a new love
I’ve found a new, found a new love
I’ve found a new, found a new love
I finally found it in God
I’ve given so much in the past (past)
For a love I always had (had)
I’ve found a new, found a new love
I’ve found a new, found a new love
I finally found it in God