Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage, so says the song. But speaking of horses, one of our most famous politicians recently affirmed herself against gay marriage arguing that marriage aimed procreation. On that same week I heard Roseanne Barr on a stand up show telling everyone who felt repulsed with the idea of two people of the same gender having sex to support gay marriage: «Marriage is a sure way to kill sex between two people, so gay sex would end inevitably» she joked. This was the same week when the world’s most famous male transsexual had a daughter; just a few days after one of my oldest friends became a father.
All this mess of thoughts in my mind caused me to dream about babies everywhere last night. Fatherhood has always been something wondering in my mind and sometimes my biological clock rings louder, but I still think I’m not ready for that. This doesn’t mean that I’m not strongly for gay parenting. Society suffocates itself with labels and forgets we’re all just people. I say that before procreation we need a lot of «profornication». And that’s something that gay people do as well as straight people. Many straight couples «profornicate» their brains off and still can’t manage to procreate, such as gay people.
This week I read an article saying since the seventies, the definition of a couple changed dramatically. Mostly because we started teaching all about sex and forgot to teach about love. That’ what marriage is all about: Love! For your partner, for your children is you have any, for your pets, if you have any, for yourself now complete with your other half. Provocation or not, I pity those who still believe that marriage aims procreation, for either they have a bunch of children or they surely don’t do enough «profornication»!
- "Ep. 12 – Profornicate Vs. Procreate!" posted on July 16th, 2008 at 10:02, by Ser.Calvin
- Posted in Thoughts by Ser.Calvin
No matter how concentrated you are, sometimes, when you are trying your best to put things in order, you seldom find stuff constantly misplaced. My Keepers guy, revealed himself to be more suitable for a T file as in Trash, an F file as in Forget or more an M file as in Missing. We had scheduled a date the next day, after lunch in a coffee house around my place. I had a meeting for lunch so we’d have coffee right after that. As my meeting got canceled the next morning, I texted him suggesting we could meet earlier. No reply. Later, I sent another one to confirm the coffee. Again, no reply. Later, with my computer on mute, I was late to read a message saying he’d been waiting for me for more than as hour at the coffee house. I called him immediately but the phone was disconnected. After quite a few tries, I finally managed to speak to him: his phone had been stolen at the gym and they had just called his apartment for the phone had been found. Sorry here, sorry there, he invited me for a movie to happen the next day. Later in the evening he even sent me a text message wishing me a good night such as he did the next day wishing me a good day. Later in the afternoon it was time for him to call. The phone rang 3 times and as I was about to answer the call was lost. I called him back but for the rest of the afternoon the phone was disconnected. That was the last from him.
When a guy is not that in to you, he’s not and that’s it. But when after three rings on you cell phone the guy goes silent, we go on wondering what ran him over? In my point of view, we got along so well in the first date, he even said so more than I did, that ending things like this is nothing but a crime. But as there’s no body, he’s just missing. For the time being, I’m missing him, for the time that will come the feelings will be like me and him: lost in communication.
In a week when my life began its 180º turn it was surprisingly calm. Nevertheless, Graça is a neighborhood full of surprises. I think it’s because it’s so windy, this way things tend to never remain in the same place. This way, for the last two days I have been putting hundreds of papers in order, alphabetically, into three large files. So the next time I need any of those papers I’ll find them quickly, my life will be easier and no time will be lost. I am very organized and I like things to be that way. This is why I don’t need some guy to come into my life all of a sudden and invade my alphabetically organized feelings and shuffle them all over. We met casually, had a casual coffee followed by a wonderful walk while having a wonderfully insightful conversation. He took me to a Chinese supermarket and bought me some instant soup: «Eat it in a gloomy evening, like those women in Sex And The City do!». «I don’t feed my rainy evenings» - I replied - «I’ll eat it through Desperate Housewives!». He smiled his approval and we could feel the complicity was already installed. Alphabetically he’s attractive, angry, big, cultured, hunky, interesting, insurgent, older, has a nice voice and a whole room full of tennis shoes (so he told me). I have a whole shelf with my tennis shoes and an empty folder under the letter L. When we said goodbye he said: «Kid, you have good skin velocity, I like you!».
Skin Velocity… which folder should that go to? He’ll definitely go to K as in Keeper but I am looking forward to what I’ll find in next encounters.
Distance:
- The extent of space between two objects or places;
- The fact or condition of being apart in space;
- The extent of time between two events.
These are just a few definitions taken out of a dictionary. Distance; sometimes we need it to get a better perception. I remember that, in painting classes, we were taught to get some distance from what we were painting every now and then to get the whole idea of our work and also to look for flaws. Funny how we usually look closer for flaws finding only the small ones and losing the whole picture. Sometimes you need distance in time to see again how beautiful things were.
Yesterday, on my way to a Jazz club, I passed by the place of my original sin. Not the original sin of the flesh but of the heart. As it’s quite close to my apartment, I was bound to face it. When I was a child I’d look out the window of my parents’ car as we drove by and think of all the lives of those out there, lives that I’d never know, people I’d never meet. Again, like a child, I looked at that lit window and wondered who was there now? Were they as happy as I was there years ago? Could they even imagine it? I started remembering little things: how the water always flooded the bathroom whenever I took a shower, how he once fell down the stairs and stood right up and I couldn’t stop laughing, how he snored to the point of leaving the room in vacuum but I loved him anyway, how I learned important things in a relationship such as saying «I need you!», «I miss you!», «I love you!».
Maybe, after all this time, distance is finally helping me to make peace. Maybe I took the long way all these years and coming back to the place it all began will bring closure. Maybe I’ll need some distance from yesterday to come to any conclusion.
Looking back, I can’t help to remember the words of Marilyn and Alan Bergman: «if we had the chance to do it all again, tell me, could we? Would we?» .
The other day I was feeling uninspired. After a rainy, the clouds began to open, and invited me for a walk. Among tourists, I walked about the many point views on the way, from Baixa to Graça. I couldn’t help to notice how beautiful Lisbon is, how fond of the tramways the tourists are, how hot the policemen look in their dark uniforms. It was a wonderful and relaxing experience.
In life, in a job, in a relationship, every day you need and gain experience. It’s a top requisite and a guarantee with the passing of time, no matter what, you become more experienced. So the question would be: what is that experience good for?
Not long ago I heard a curious affirmation: experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want. It left me confused. What if you get what you want? I mean, ok, I didn’t get any hot policeman during my tour. That would be experience! What if I had? What would that be? A great experience? An experience to remember and tell my grand-nephews? A disappointment, perhaps?
When you apply for a job, you deliver a résumé of your experience, work experience, mostly. That experience was acquired with jobs you got! So the affirmation would be untrue. Again, if you’re applying for a new job, maybe the job you had wasn’t exactly what you wanted, but you got it, and with it came the experience. So the affirmation is true again!
When you «apply» for a relationship, why is it that no one asks, up front, for you résumé? Are they afraid of what they may know? Or are people just seeking for experience with whom they don’t really want?
Statistics say you have more chances of meeting the love of your life in a date with a group of friends than cruising the night. I don’t know who gets paid to do these statistics but they could have asked me and saved the money!
Last week I went to a friend’s birthday dinner. She’s a person I don’t see that much, and also not really loved by many. A woman with a strong personality and a good taste in clothes has many chances of being described as a bitch! And a gay isn’t whole until he has a woman bitch for a friend. She’s mine and I love her so!
She had a new boyfriend and some new friends that I hadn’t met in her previous birthdays, especially this one who sat next to me. He wasn’t what one would call handsome but he had a nice smile and a cheerful character. He was tall and slim and cultured. (Oh my, I’m describing a perfect man!!!) Anyways… the evening went through, we ate our diner, we told our jokes, we talked and drank and sang Happy Birthday and then it was time for the pictures. My bitch friend had forgotten her camera so she turned to her mobile phone. She was running around the table taking pictures with everyone and also with her friend sitting next to me. She embraced him and as they both smiled at the camera he put his hand on the side of my torso. He touched me!!! He purposely grabbed my torso as he leaned to the camera. The room went quiet, the world stood still and all I could feel was his incredibly hot hand touching me. Yes, I felt like a virgin, Yes I felt like a little boy lost on his way home from school, Yes I could have asked him to marry me! Right there and then he shook my perfectly controlled balance of I AM VERY WELL ON MY OWN THANK YOU SO MUCH!! How could he? Where is it written that you can go around touching people like that?! And before you ask, yes, I have been having enough sex!!!! So, I am not frigid, I am not inexperienced, I am delighted! No! Keep it there, take another picture, here’s my phone, it has a camera too!
(sigh)
Last week I told my singing teacher how can I be in a stable relationship?! I’d lose my inspiration! “You just said a mouthful.�- she replied.
Last week a stranger touched more than my torso, and my heart was shaken. I had no courage to ask his phone number but he hugged me when we said goodbye.
I came home wondering why I didn’t touch the hand of my bitch friend’s friend. I came home wondering if we do sabotage our relationships on purpose so we have something to bitch about. I came home with a cold feeling that his hot hand was more than my loneliness giving me a wake up call.
They’re here! They’re back! They’re fabulous! Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte are back in town! This is a special episode dedicated to those who changed our way of thinking about relationships.
Yesterday, after lunch, I made reservations for tickets to go see Sex And The City – The Movie, with my dear WannaB. During an afternoon of shopping spree (as one should) I convinced Wannab’s cousin to join us along with her boyfriend. So the four of us went to an after diner session to Amoreiras. When we entered, there were still very few people inside but the viewers started coming in groups… of women! Carries and Samanthas and Charlottes and Mirandas and many Magdas and Enids as well. What impressed us was the noise! Used to watching the episodes in the quiet of our living rooms, we were suddenly as if in a street market. There were a few women with their boyfriends, their manfriends, their husbands, their lovers… their gay friends but most of them just came with their girl friends. Sex and the City is the ultimate girls’ night out! One would expect them to bring their exuberant hats and outfits and to be drinking their cosmopolitans but aside from a girl next to us wearing stilettos, everyone was just normal.
They had to raise the volume of the sound as the groups of women could not control their excitement, even when the first images began. I even told Wannab: We must be in a conference about The Secret! Finally they hushed and the girls we able to rule again. Between the uncontrollable crying of the girl next to us imagining herself as Carrie finally having her happy ending, and the middle aged lady next to me explaining every detail to her manfriend, the many laughs from the audience even in very uncomfortable and dramatic moments, the four girls got us thinking about our love life for 2h30!
How often do you have sex? When was the last time you did? How often do you feel happy? When was the last time you did? How often do you really think about relationships? What about from another person’s point of view?
The girls are older and wiser but love is just a little bit of history repeating. At least they’re still thin!
Like the series, the movie changes our way of looking at love, at modern relationships, not only from women’s point of view, but their men are romantics too, and sexual objects too, and disposable too, and embraceable too.
In the lack of a love for my own, I dedicate these words to Sex and The City, still in the heat of the moment:
Ever thine,
Ever mine,
Ever ours.
Compared to an average gay man list of boyfriends, Liz Taylor’s number of marriages is child’s play! I’ve had quite a few and the same amount of break ups. What can be called a good break up? I’ve had them over the phone… by e-mail… face to face… right after sex… right before sex… I’ve heard of a guy who received a break up text message… there is also the kind of break ups where you don’t need to say anything, and it’s done!
Today I got to thinking about the kinds of relationship we keep with our exes. Tradition says you should cut ties! As my experience goes, it’s healthy, it’s safe, perhaps not that mature, but it works and above all, is necessary most of the times! Usually this behavior is characterized by not «recognizing » the other person in public places, erasing all messages, mails but most times keeping the phone number (never know when you need it!).
Some break ups can lead to friendship. Perhaps the most mature of all closures and an indication of the true bases of their relationship. These people maintain regular contact and continue to share news and secrets and are truly happy for the other’s successes.
There are those who tend to keep in touch just to find if the other is doing better or worse than the self. This is a very typical behavior found in all kinds of people. Not mature at all and quite revealing of some left over feelings. Everything superfluous is erased but they still trade hypocrite smiles and tend to over enunciate their pitiful lives into a succession of dazzling events. A kind of a break even after you break up!
Perhaps my favorite are those who break up but still see each other now and then… for sex! No strings attached, no worries, no jealousy, no fights, no broken dates, no endless waits, no betrayals, no friendship… just a good old fashion fuck! A nice way to say: I don’t got the blues for you but still have the hots!
What is the best way out for a no way relationship?
- "Ep. 5 - Ever Lovers, Never Friends?" posted on June 4th, 2008 at 11:10, by Ser.Calvin
- Posted in Thoughts by Ser.Calvin
